Here in the US, the major televised early game was, for some reason, Hamburg v. Celtic. The first half was fairly open and, at times, frantic. Both clubs created several clear goal scoring opportunities that were denied by fine work from Frank Rost and Lukasz Zaluska. In the second half, Hamburg were more careful with their possession and their superiority became more evident, as they continued creating chances, while Celtic, forced into more intense defending, had few attacking forays to speak of. Ultimately, Hamburg couldn’t find a way to break the goalless draw. The result means that, as the announcer incessantly reminded us, Celtic are not mathematically eliminated. They would, of course, need a very improbable set of results to entertain the fantastical notion of advancing. The scoreless draw is helpful, though, to Hapoel Tel Aviv. The Israeli side soundly defeated Rapid Vienna again to move to the top of the group. Rapid also look to be in trouble now, as they will have to shock Hamburg again and defeat a Celtic side who are presumably still revenge minded.

Group B was turned on its ear by today’s results. Lille have jeopardized the excellent work they’ve done so far by losing in Genoa. The French side fought back from a two goal deficit only to concede an injury time winner. Valencia, meanwhile, squandered their own two goal lead in the final ten minutes against bottom dwelling, ten man Slavia Prague. This combination of results leaves Lille in first place with seven points, with Genoa and Valencia level on six, so the final two match days should be pretty frantic in this group.

Group A is one of the groups that is essentially decided already. Dinamo Zagreb were deducted points earlier this week because of crowd disturbances during their match at Timisoara. The deduction left Dinamo with no points and Timisoara with two. Anderlecht and Ajax took full advantage by winning today. Anderlecht, who missed a number of chances to leave Romania with all three points two weeks ago, dispatched Timisoara at home. Ajax, for their part, beat Dinamo, behind closed doors, in Croatia. This leaves Ajax and Anderlecht level on eight points, six points clear of third placed Timisoara.

Group F also reduced the final two match days to formalities with today’s results. Sturm Graz suffered another battling defeat, this time at home to Panathinaikos. Galatasaray continued to dominate the group; they won 3-0 away to Dinamo Bucharest.

Roma moved into second place in group E, after downing Fulham at the Olimpico. Fulham took an early lead through a Diomansy Kamara penalty. Before halftime, Roma just missed out on an equalizer and Fulham just missed out on going two goals up. The match was changed by Erik Nevland’s early second half dismissal. John Arne Riise leveled the match and Stefano Okaka Chuka grabbed the winning goal. Fulham actually ended up with nine men after Paul Konchesky was shown the red card in injury time. Basel maintained their grasp on first place with a 3-1 win over whipping boys CSKA Sofia. With the three contending clubs still to play head to head again, this group is far from being decided.

Stop the presses in group D; Hertha Berlin have won a game. Again, you are not reading this incorrectly, Hertha Berlin scored three goals, while their opponents Heerenveen, managed only two. In typical Hertha fashion though, their first win since August doesn’t do anything tangible for them, aside from the morale boost. I do have to say that Hertha displayed a resiliency that they have obviously been lacking this season. Despite going behind very early in the game, and going behind a second time after controlling significant periods of the game, they actually came back to win. Sporting are still coasting in this group, despite dropping their first points with a draw against Ventsplis today. Hertha are level with Heerenveen, with Ventsplis one point behind. The matter of coming out of the group with Sporting will probably not be decided before the final match day.

The 3:00 televised US game was Villarreal v. Lazio, which after a closely contested match two weeks ago, which featured a dramatic late winner from Tommaso Rocchi, looked promising. Since the last match day, however, Villarreal have started recovering some form, and they turned this match into a rout within fifteen minutes. A long range, Robert Pires free kick bounced past Lazio keeper Bizaarri in the third minute. Then, Lazio’s Roberto Baronio was dismissed almost immediately after the restart. Villarreal extended their lead through Cani and a Robert Pires penalty. Lazio were handed a lifeline just after the half hour when Villarreal defender Gonzalo was sent off after bringing down Rocchi in the area. Pasquale Foggia sent the resulting penalty crashing against the crossbar, though. Villarreal had several more chances to move even further ahead before the first half ended. The second half was more subdued, although substitute Mauro Zarate pulled a goal back for Lazio. The brief glimmer of hope only lasted for ten minutes; Villarreal were awarded another penalty, converted by substitute Guiseppe Rossi after Cani was chopped down. The 4-1 victory moves Villarreal into second place in the group. Lazio now face a daunting, must win encounter with Salzburg, in Austria, on match day five. Salzburg, for their part, won at Levski Sofia.

Fenerbahce and Twente remained in the top two group H spots, although Twente left it until very late to take all three points from Sheriff. The Moldovans are not out of contention yet, but, assuming they win against last place Steaua, they’ll probably have to avoid losing when they play Fenerbahce again.

Everton had revenge on their minds after their humiliation in Portugal two weeks ago, but it was not to be. The 2-0 margin of victory was not as shocking, but Benfica are now alone at the top of group I. AEK and BATE drew 2-2, so Everton remain in second place.

Shakhtar Donetsk maintained their perfect form in group J with a 2-0 victory over Toulouse. Club Brugge also won, 4-2, at Partizan Belgrade. Brugge occupy second place for now. As they face another match with runaway leaders Shakhtar, their match with Toulouse will be pivotal in deciding who will advance from the group.

PSV and Sparta Prague are separated by a point at the top of group K. PSV could only draw with Copenhagen, while Sparta needed six minutes of extra time to grab a winning goal in Cluj. No one is mathematically out of the running in this group yet. Although with a three point gap between second and third place, PSV and Sparta Prague control their own destinies.

Finally, in group L, Werder Bremen are through to the knockout stage after netting two late goals against a stubborn Austria Vienna. Bilbao needed a late penalty to draw level with Nacional. The draw keeps Bilbao four points above Austria Vienna.

Group A
Anderlecht 3 - Timisoara 1
Dinamo Zagreb 0 – Ajax 2

Group B
Slavia Prague 2 – Valencia 2
Genoa 3 – Lille OSC 2

Group C
Hamburg SV 0 – Celtic 0
Rapid Vienna 0 – Hapoel Tel Aviv 3

Group D
Sporting CP 1 – Ventsplis 1
Heerenveen 2 – Hertha Berlin 3

Group E
AS Roma 2 – Fulham 1
FC Basel 3 – CSKA Sofia 1

Group F
Dinamo Bucharest 0 – Galatasaray 3
Sturm Graz 0 – Panathinaikos 1

Group G
Levski Sofia 0 – Red Bull Salzburg 1
Villarreal 4 – SS Lazio 1

Group H
FC Twente 2 – Sheriff 1
Fenerbahce 3 – Steaua Bucharest 1

Group I
AEK Athens 2 – BATE 2
Everton 0 – Benfica 2

Group J
Toulouse 0 – Shakhtar Donetsk 2
Partizan Belgrade 2 – Club Brugge 4

Group K
FC Copenhagen 1 – PSV Eindhoven 1
CFR Cluj 2 – Sparta Prague 3

Group L
Werder Bremen 2 – Austria Vienna 0
CD Nacional 1 – Athletic Bilbao 1

There were a couple of notable thrashings in matches that we probably thought would have been closer affairs. Benfica, led by Javier Saviola and Oscar Cardazo tore Everton apart in the second half, for a 5-0 victory. Meanwhile, in the Ukraine, Shakhtar Donetsk showed their title winning form with a 4-0 win over Toulouse. Shakhtar’s victory was especially helpful for group mates Club Brugge, who are now very much in the race for second, after they dispatched Partizan Belgrade.

Villarreal appeared to have gained a momentary respite from their season long misery, but Tommaso Rochhi’s injury time winner, which after their first match day loss against Salzburg will be more welcome to Lazio fans than usual, has almost certainly jeopardized Ernesto Valverde’s employment. Red Bull Salzburg continued their perfect group stage form with a 1-0 win over Levski Sofia.

Group H continues to be rather unpredictable. Sheriff surprised Twente with a 2-0 win that actually put them ahead of the Dutch league leaders in second place. Steaua Bucharest continue to underwhelm in this group. A 1-0 loss to Fenerbahce, who now top the group, leaves Steaua bottom, with no goals scored.

Things in groups L and K pretty much stayed the same. Sparta Prague’s victory over CFR Cluj moved them into second place for now. PSV maintained the top spot with a win over Copenhagen.

Roma’s match at Fulham was televised by GolTV, but the first 45 minutes might have left their fans wishing that they were spared the ‘pleasure’. Tepid and unimaginative will suffice to describe a Roma side who were always on the back foot in the first half. A couple of close offside decisions spared Roma further damage. Roma started out brightly in the second half with the introduction of Pizarro and Perotta, and went on to dominate the second half. It looked like they would not be able to find a way past Fulham, even after they were awarded a penalty for a sloppy foul against John Arne Riise. Fulham goalkeeper Mark Schwarzer must have employed the guessing technique, as Jeremy Menez’s penalty was well struck towards the bottom left hand corner, but comfortably saved. Roma eventually grabbed a deserved equalizer at the last possible moment from a corner. This result, along with Basel’s win in Bulgaria, puts the Swiss club on top of the group, while Roma remains in third place.

Rapid Vienna’s bright start came to a screeching halt in Israel, where they were soundly beaten, 5-1, by Hapoel Tel Aviv. Rapid must regret not holding on to their lead against a less than imposing Celtic on match day 2, as they now drop to third in the group behind Hapoel and Hamburg, who won 1-0 at Celtic Park.

Hertha Berlin continued their odd campaign to introduce novel forms of suffering to the Hertha fan experience. A single Heerenveen goal was enough for the Eredivisie strugglers to take all three points home from Berlin with them. For their part, Sporting continue to effortlessly waltz through this group.

Lille continued their very impressive campaign with a 3-0 win against Genoa. This win puts Lille in command of the group, as Valencia could only manage a draw at home against bottom club Slavia Prague.

Ajax, who despite playing well in the group, had not won yet, finally made their performance count; they beat Dinamo Zagreb 2-1, which puts them on top of the group, ahead of Anderlecht on goal difference. Timisoara leave me wondering how they managed to knock Shakhtar out of the Champions League. Like their countrymen Steaua, they have not yet scored a goal; today they were fortunate to draw 0-0 with Anderlecht.

Finally, in Group F, any lingering hopes that Sturm Graz had were extinguished in a close match against Panathinaikos, while Galatasaray won comfortably against Dinamo Bucharest. Dinamo remain in contention, but they will have some work to do to progress from this group. They’re now a full three points behind second place Panathinaikos.

Group A
Timisoara 0 – Anderlecht 0
Ajax 2 - Dinamo Zagreb 1

Group B
Valencia 1 – Slavia Prague 1
Lille OSC 3 - Genoa 0

Group C
Celtic 0 – Hamburg SV 1
Hapoel Tel Aviv 5 - Rapid Vienna 1

Group D
Ventsplis 1 – Sporting CP 2
Hertha Berlin 0 – Heerenveen 1

Group E
Fulham 1 – AS Roma 1
CSKA Sofia 0 – FC Basel 2

Group F
Galatasaray 4 – Dinamo Bucharest 1
Panathinaikos 1 – Sturm Graz 0

Group G
Red Bull Salzburg 1 – Levski Sofia 0
SS Lazio 2 – Villarreal 1

Group H
Sheriff 2 – Twente 0
Steaua Bucharest 0 – Fenerbahce 1

Group I
BATE 2 – AEK Athens 1
Benfica 5 - Everton 0

Group J
Shakhtar Donetsk 4 – Toulouse 0
Club Brugge 2 – Partizan Belgrade 0

Group K
PSV Eindhoven 1 – FC Copenhagen 0
Sparta Prague 2 – CFR Cluj 0

Group L
Austria Vienna 2 – Werder Bremen 2
Athletic Bilabo 2 – CD Nacional 1

Standings at uefa.com.

But seriously, that this scaled down super league concept should be met with anything other than the derision that killed it the first time around, comes as something of a surprise to me. What’s not surprising is that many people are desperate for a change in European competition’s status quo. Since the clubs involved in the North Atlantic proposal are, historically, big names that the financial reorganization of the last fifteen or twenty years has been especially damaging to, people are willing to, at the very least, consider anything that would help them.

Why return to an idea rife with problems and complications that have never been fixed in the first place though?

For starters, the North Atlantic league would sacrifice the domestic competitions of all the involved clubs by removing the biggest names. Killing off the rest of the Dutch and Belgian leagues so that PSV or Anderlecht might regularly make the Champions League quarter finals doesn’t really seem like an especially productive or moral (stop laughing) path to go down. The decision to bet the house on the current top dogs also precludes the serious development of any new contenders. Ten years ago, Standard Liege, Belgium’s strongest club, certainly wouldn’t have been involved in any North Atlantic discussions. Those who are tempted to usher the big clubs towards the door (I’m thinking mostly of Scotland here) in hopes of a more competitive domestic league might also be in for a rude awakening. As part of a super league, the big clubs, even from a distance, would be in a position to financially dominate their former domestic rivals. The best developing players would have even more of a reason to leave as quickly as possible for greener pastures, while whoever topped the leftovers would be the champion of the dregs, which doesn’t sound like an altogether ideal situation.

A more pressing issue than the moral implications of this proposal is the question of how profitable a North Atlantic league would actually be. Based on the current status quo, even a reorganization of big names like Anderlecht, Ajax, Celtic, Porto, et al would still lack the star power that attracts casual fans from New York to Malaysia to leagues like La Liga and the Premiership. This problem is potentially compounded by the relatively recent conversion of many football fans. As ludicrous and depressing as it sounds, to someone who didn’t have regular media access to football coverage before a certain point in time, arriviste clubs like Chelsea are kings compared to a bunch of nobodies like Ajax. The same problem occurs with a generation gap. Does the average fan born in 1990 know or care much about Van Gaal’s Ajax, let alone the faded photograph, 1970s incarnation? Personally, I feel that any potential audience for this venture would already consume any available coverage of the clubs involved. The attraction of a new, global viewership is by no means assured.

The other major problem with the proposal is the problem that has plagued every potential super league, even the theoretical one consisting of the elite clubs. How is a match between two mid table super league teams, with nothing at stake and no tradition behind it appeal to anyone? I think this is the billionth time I’ve made this argument, but unless the empty seats in the stadium are covered with advertisements, I don’t think anyone that benefits from or cares about a potential Rangers v. Feyenoord match for 8th place.

Ultimately, resurrecting the North Atlantic league would be ceding the initiative of European restructuring to the big clubs that already dominate everything. The message sent out is that the big clubs are never going to be reined in, and that the best we can hope for is to graft a few new names onto the periphery. At a time when UEFA is making an attempt to increase the presence of smaller nations in European competition and reduce the direct link between bank balances and on field success, this would be an especially foolish move to make. There might be something to be said for geographically based mergers of top divisions for the sake of raising the standard of play, but throwing the biggest names together in a cash grab isn’t the right way to do it.

In club land, the international breaks are something like an enforced naptime. But, in anticipation of the Uruguay – Argentina match that might send the Argentines crashing out of the 2010 World Cup, I have been thinking a lot about Schadenfreude. If Argentina did fail to qualify, I would have a good laugh, although, as I am not English or Brazilian, I’m not really sure why I would want to. I suppose seeing a traditional, major power humbled is enough of a warm and fuzzy result for neutrals to get behind. So without further ado, here are seven other occasions on which the misfortune of others provided me with some form of entertainment and happiness.

AC Milan 3 – Manchester United 0: 2006-07 Champions League Semi Final

The 2006-07 Champions League campaign was the beginning of some Premier League halcyon days in the competition. This turn of events was not handled altogether gracefully in many quarters. The loudest triumphalism came after Roma imploded at Old Trafford. The particular circumstances of the match were quickly forgotten for the sake of a ‘the Italians couldn’t handle our mighty warriors’ narrative. When Manchester United were paired with AC Milan in the semi finals, there were some ill advised statements about ‘burying Italian football’ strewn about. A narrow first leg victory for United only upped the ante. Cue a torrential downpour at the San Siro, a masterclass from Kaka and Clarence Seedorf, and a big time self satisfied smirk for all of us continental loving, wine sipping weenies.

Senegal 1 – France 0: 2002 World Cup Group Stage

There’s no denying that the France team that won the 1998 World Cup and Euro 2000 was an incredible collection of talent. At the time though, the sheer number of narrow escapes they had along the way never really sat right. By the time the 2002 World Cup rolled around, I was pretty sick of hearing about how wonderful France was and how there was no reason they shouldn’t win another tournament and establish themselves among the immortals. Their aimless stumbling around in the opening game against Senegal was a source of great mirth, made even more amusing when it became evident that they really weren’t going to get the goal back. Given the turn that football has taken since the turn of the century, it seems petty and churlish to begrudge that France side their success now, but at the time, it sure did feel good.

Germany 1 (6) – England 1 (5): 1996 European Championship Semi Final

Euro 96 was my first experience with the culture of English national team support. I was too young in 1990 to grasp a concept like that, Euro 92 only existed in print form, and they weren’t at the 1994 World Cup. I was naïve enough to be utterly scandalized by their behavior. Why would English fans act this way based on a single, thirty year old triumph, I asked. When they eliminated Spain thanks to some host friendly officiating, matters got a little more personal. When the anti-German tabloid frenzy kicked off, I could only conclude that a nation had gone mad. (Would they start up about re-colonizing us if they ever played the US in a competitive match again?) The game was, of course, nerve wracking, but once order was restored with the German shoot out victory, I thought, in my childish wisdom, that maybe this would be an important lesson in level headedness for the future. Well, like they said on the Simpsons, ‘that’s why you’re still kids, because you’re stupid.’ At least the world was spared any more Britpop about the subject.

Manchester United 1 – Arsenal 0: 2004-05 Premier League

Even fans with marginal to zero interest in the Premier League have their patience tried by the new breed of smug, aesthete Arsenal fans. Naturally, the unbeaten run of ‘the invincibles’ was a dark time. Despite the fact that they had a number of close shaves along the way and the fact that they had not and would not prove themselves in Europe, the arrogance increased with every passing addition to the streak. The controversial 03-04 match against Manchester United at Old Trafford was, perhaps, the closest call for Arsenal. Ruud Van Nistelrooy missed a late penalty that would have stopped the unbeaten run in its tracks. After the miss, Van Nistelrooy was hounded off the field by a gang of Arsenal players, led by the maniacal Martin Keown, who accused the Dutchman of diving earlier in the game, which resulted in Patrick Viera’s dismissal. It was only fitting that when Arsenal were finally silenced that it occurred at Old Trafford, from a controversial penalty decision, with the goal scored by Ruud Van Nistelrooy.

Espanyol 2 – Barcelona 2: 2006-07 La Liga

Barcelona’s revival, led by Ronaldinho on the field and Frank Rijkaard from the bench was a natural counterpoint for the bloated failure of Real Madrid’s galaticos. A problem arose when the accolades heaped on Barcelona became just as annoying as anything the galacticos were capable of dishing out. By 2006-07 changes were afoot in Madrid. Fabio Capello was appointed to lead a very pedestrian Madrid back to the title. Their determined and often ugly charge to the top of the league was more admirable than anything that we had seen from Madrid in years. On the second to last day of the season, Madrid trailed Zaragoza and Barcelona led Espanyol; it seemed like Barcelona would escape after all. Madrid and Espanyol grabbed late equalizers in their respective matches within seconds of each other, setting off delirium and sending the cosmic message, ‘that’s enough for now Barca.’

AS Monaco 3 – Real Madrid 1: 2003-04 Champions League Quarter Final

Ah, the simpler times of the David Beckham era galacticos, when Fiorentino Perez could promise with a straight face that this incarnation of Real Madrid would provide transcendental, psychotropic beauty that would unite all football fans in worship of Real Madrid. That got unforgivably irritating in, about, three seconds. Still, Perez pressed onwards, dismissing concerns about the defensive frailties of his new squad as cold, egghead killjoys. For a large part of the season, Madrid threatened to run the table, so when they stumbled in quick succession against Real Zaragoza in the Copa Del Rey Final, and Monaco in the Champions league, there was notable relief. Of course, what made the Monaco result even more fun was that the decisive goal was scored by Fernando Morientes, who was integral in taking Monaco to the final, and was deemed insufficiently marketable for Madrid.

Bayern Munich 1 – Hamburg SV 1: 2000-01 Bundesliga

I’ll probably never be forgiven by some people for enjoying this one, but I never could stand Schalke their need to be loved, and the sense that they deserve to win something for just being so historical and devoted. Anyway, on the final day of the Bundesliga season, Schalke needed to beat Unterhacing, and Bayern couldn’t win against Hamburg. That combination of results would give Schalke their first championship since 1958. Schalke’s victory concluded while the Bayern-Hamburg match was deep into added time, deep enough that Schalke’s pitch was invaded, balloons were released, and tears of joy were shed. Then Hamburg’s goalkeeper handled a back pass, resulting in an indirect freekick inside the 18 yard box. Steffan Effenberg laid the ball off for Patrik Andersson to score with the last kick of the game. Bayern take home yet another title. Did I mention that this all unfolded on Schalke’s stadium monitors while they were in the middle of celebrating? No wonder schadenfreude is a German word.

In the first batch of games, Red Bull Salzburg scored another surprise victory. Unlike their late smash and grab against Lazio, the caffeinated advertisements enjoyed a comfortable 2-0 victory against Villarreal, who continue a terrible start to their season. For their part, Lazio took out their frustration over the first day result by beating Levski Sofia 4-0. Now that Villarreal and Lazio are due to face off on the next match day, the Austrians have a chance to take control of the group, which if you don’t profit from Red Bull, is just terrible.

Club Brugge rescued a point against Toulouse in stoppage time. The Belgians vastly improved on their performance against Shakhtar two weeks ago. Last seasons UEFA Cup champions dominated Partizan Belgrade just as they did Club Brugge; Shaktar won 4-1. If Brugge or Partizan have the slightest hope of getting out of this group, they’ll probably want all six points available when they play each other.

Steaua Bucharest still haven’t scored a goal in their group; their match with Twente ended goalless. Fenerbahce rebounded from their defeat to Twente with a 1-0 over Sheriff.

Memo to GolTV: the number of Argentines playing probably isn’t the best criteria for choosing a game to televise. Benfica and their La Liga castoffs were wasteful with the chances they had against AEK Athens, who won 1-0. In the group’s other game, Everton survived a bit of a scare against BATE, eventually winning 2-1.

In the remaining early games, Werder Bremen, PSV, and Copenhagen beat Athletic Bilbao, Cluj, and Sparta Prague, respectively, and Austria Vienna drew with CD Nacional.

In the second, US televised game, Valencia beat Genoa in a rather entertaining affair. Despite Genoa benefiting from a clear offside goal and a penalty, Valencia were impressive enough to win 3-2. In addition to the usual fine performances from David Villa and David Silva, Ever Benega was excellent for Valencia as well. Elsewhere in the group, Lille put in an impressive performance of their own; they hammered Slavia Prauge 5-1.

Hertha Berlin lost again. Sadly this counts as an improvement, as they only lost 1-0. Fortunately for the Berliners, Ventsplis and Heerenveen drew 0-0, which means the second spot behind Sporting, who are clearly the strongest team in the group, remains wide open.

Anderlecht’s late equalizer against Ajax kept them on top of their group, while Dinamo Zagreb moved into the second spot after dispatching Timisoara 3-0.

Roma rebounded from their abject performance against Basel with a 2-0 win over CSKA Sofia. Basel could not keep their positive momentum going, as they suffered a lackluster, 1-0 defeat at Fulham, who currently top the group.

The great Celtic revenge match against Rapid Vienna turned out to be a 1-1 letdown, though the look on some faces after Rapid went ahead almost immediately must have been good for a cheap laugh or two. Hamburg’s 4-2 victory against Hapoel Tel Aviv means that Celtic, for now, sit on the bottom of this group.

Finally, things remain pretty tight in Group F. Galatasaray were held to a 1-1 draw by Sturm Graz, and Panathinaikos downed Dinamo Bucharest. These results leave Galatasaray, Panathinaikos and Dinamo separated by a point, and Sturm at the bottom, but not completely hopeless yet.

Group A
Anderlecht 1 – Ajax Amsterdam 1
Timisosara 0 – Dinamo Zagreb 3

Group B
Valencia 3 – Genoa 2
Slavia Prague 1 – Lille OSC 5

Group C
Celtic 1 – Rapid Vienna 1
Hamburg SV 4 – Hapoel Tel Aviv 2

Group D
Sporting CP 1 - Hertha Berlin 0
FK Ventsplis 0 – Heerenveen 0

Group E
Fulham 1 – FC Basel 0
AS Roma 2 – CSKA Sofia 0

Group F
Galatasaray 1 – Sturm Graz 1
Dinamo Bucharest 0 – Panathinaikos 1

Group G
Red Bull Salzburg 2 – Villarreal 0
Levski Sofia 0 – SS Lazio 4

Group H
FC Twente 0 – Steaua Bucharest 0
Sheriff 0 – Fenerbahce 1

Group I
AEK Athens 1 – Benfica 0
BATE 1 – Everton 2

Group J
Shakhtar Donetsk 4 – Partizan Belgrade 1
Toulouse 2 – Club Brugge 2

Group K
PSV Eindhoven 1 – CFR Cluj 0
FC Copenhagen 1 – Sparta Prague 0

Group L
Werder Bremen 3 – Athletic Bilbao 1
Austria Vienna 1 – CD Nacional 1

Group standings here.

Does it get more simultaneously pathetic and irritating than the whining we’ve had to put up with from Celtic for the past few weeks? In case you’ve missed Celtic stop just short of accusing Rapid Vienna of war crimes, a recap of the situation can be found in today’s Guardian.

In fairness to Celtic’s current crop of players, the hysterics have come from fans and from former players, but, usually, embarrassing undertakings like this are done in the name of something or someone, bigger than the ranting individual, so fairly or unfairly, the whole club has its name attached on some level.

As the Guardian article correctly points out, if Celtic didn’t lose the moral high ground the moment the first object was thrown at Celtic Park, they certainly said so long, farewell, good night, auf wiedersehen to any semblance of it when their supporters physically attacked Rapid players.

I certainly sympathize with obsession and pointless grudge holding, but when it moves from the realm of good humor to yelling about CIA satellites on a city street corner, enough is enough. First of all, you aren’t the first or last team to lose in controversial circumstances. Second of all it’s a nice, little historical connection to the present day, not a Shakespearean injustice.

Leaving the specifics aside for a moment, I guess what bothers me the most is that, ultimately, this is just another instance of a British club being knocked out of Europe and immediately resorting to the ‘we were cheated by those dastardly foreigners’ narrative. The misanthrope in me is really hoping that Rapid Vienna will be awarded a dubious penalty or borderline offside goal deep into stoppage time, right in the middle of You’ll Never Walk Alone.

I’m wondering if we’ll actually see Partizan in serious trouble with UEFA (they’ve been expelled from the UEFA Cup before because of crowd trouble) because of this incident, or if it will be treated as yet another individual case that just coincidentally occurred around a football match. Serbian police have already made arrests, and have, overall, taken a harder line on hooliganism in recent years, but I can’t help but think that focusing on individual perpetrators, after the fact, while rightly punishing the individual criminal, isn’t going to curb football violence.

In the context of these violent fan groups, the individual is ultimately of less importance than the group and the club itself. Anything suffered while ‘on duty’ for the club is likely to be viewed as some sort of perverse honor.

Obviously, social problems in Serbia go far beyond football. Matters are, of course, complicated by the fact that actual wars have occurred there in recent history. I’m far from an expert on the sociology of the situation, but I would imagine when so much international football hooliganism is seen as recreational in nature by the participants, that this notion would be amplified in a country that has been involved in some truly brutal fighting.

It seems ridiculous to talk about bans or point deductions at a time like this, but there’s no way on earth that the act of attending a football match could put someone in actual, mortal danger should be tolerated for a second.

This interpretation of events does as much for reinforcing the ironclad, financially based caste system among the clubs of Europe as it does for the purposes of information. By taking pains to make sure we know that the big brand names aren’t involved, it’s almost as if the competition is divided into the ‘real’ portion where the teams you know and love face off against each other, and the pointless, substandard portion featuring unknown minnows. Casting the early qualifying rounds as a kind of obligatory, burdensome sideshow for the little guys is, on some level, helping to create the very atmosphere in which corruption seems justifiable on some level to the eventual participants.

Since match fixing is a serious breach of sporting morals and rules regardless of who commits it, the names should ultimately be of secondary importance. Granted, there is an obvious difference in impact when names like Juventus, Marseilles, or Genoa are involved than, hypothetically, the champions Belarus, but the fact that match fixing is allegedly occurring in Europe’s biggest competitions should balance out the difference in name recognition.

Hopefully the recent reorganizations of the qualifying process will remedy this atmosphere. We probably remain a long way off from a return to the days of seeing the super rich clubs in danger of being knocked out by a relatively unknown Eastern European opponent, but the new format has certainly made reaching the group stages a plausible goal again, which should remove any modicum of an excuse for engaging in match fixing.

Cristiano Ronaldo, Didier Drogba, Francesco Totti, Hernan Crespo, Arjen Robben: all talented, renowned international footballers, yet the sight of their names is no doubt making some readers percolate with rage. These men are some of the more prominent players that have been branded with the label of ‘diver.’ Their talents will be forced to coexist with the stigma of that label in the eyes of many fans. Some, with a more puritanical streak, will claim to have their experiences watching these players to be forever soiled by these claims of simulation.

Sometimes, a player does not even need to be accused of multiple infractions against honesty. If a player succumbs to gravity during a particular moment in the spotlight, they can just as easily carry the ‘diver’ label with them. Slaven Bilic against France in 1998, Fabio Grosso buckling under Lucas Neil’s slip and slide demonstration in 2006, Diego Simeone’s reaction to David Beckham’s enfeebled lashing out, and, of course, Rivaldo’s ‘please, not the face’ incident in 2002 are all singularly infamous tumbles. These incidents will invariably come up at some point during a discussion involving any of the above players.

There’s no doubt that diving has become the ultimate taboo in the world of football ethics. Each new, high profile incident is met with fervent calls to stamp out this scourge on the football landscape. Personally, I’ve never understood the need to go beyond the current punishment of public scorn, and a yellow card for a player caught in the act. I would be more willing to throw this difference of opinion in the ‘live and let live’ category if it weren’t for the fact that, very often, a diving player is treated more harshly in the court of public opinion than a player who has committed a brutal and/or reckless foul.

When clear intent is combined with serious injury, as in the recent assault on Anderlecht’s Marcin Wasilewski by Standard Liege’s Axel Witsel, or the vicious elbow to the head delivered by then Manchester City player Ben Thatcher on Portsmouth’s Pedro Mendes during the 06-07 season, the public is quick to offer a rightful condemnation. In other instances, where injury results from ineptitude rather than intent, many fans are less forthcoming with condemnation. Arsenal’s Eduardo has arguably received more criticism for his dive against Celtic in the Champions League playoff round than Birmingham City player, Martin Taylor, did when he broke Eduardo’s leg in two places. In fact, when we reach the extreme end of this situation, we’ll find that some of the most dangerous players are celebrated as cult heroes. How Roy Keane, for example, managed to suffer no lasting damage to his reputation, even after admitting to intentionally maiming Alf-Inge Haaland is beyond me.

So, I have to wonder, is on-field passion leading to some misplaced priorities, or are external notions of morality intruding on the way we view the acts of diving and fouling?

The on-field frustration with diving is fairly obvious. Even the immediate response is intertwined with an external factor though, a sense of justice. Fouls are immediately punished; free kicks, penalties, and/or cards are awarded; justice is meted out on the spot. It’s no coincidence that Harold Schumacher’s leaping challenge/assault on Patrick Battiston in the 1982 World Cup semi-final is such a popular choice for the most heinous foul in the game’s history. Not only did it result in serious injury to Battiston and affect the result of the game, but it went completely unpunished by the referee. The sense of justice being criminally undermined is palpable. (The fact that Schumacher was unrepentant and that the West German team was already massively unpopular after their ‘fixed’ first round match with Austria certainly didn’t help matters any.) Of course, most fouls are far more routine, and do not have a dramatic effect on the game’s result or cause injury, and are therefore easy to overlook in the long run. Diving, on the other hand, is not designed to be overlooked. It is a simulation of a foul designed to bring play to a halt and give an advantage to the diver’s team. As a simulation of a foul, it is also, essentially, a false accusation, which is inherently unjust. When a dive directly affects the result of a game, as it often can, the beneficiaries of the dive are said to have perverted justice by benefiting from an event (a foul) that never actually happened. Compounding the sense of injustice is that the dive usually goes unpunished. Even if it is retroactively punished, the match result that the dive affected cannot be unchanged.

It would seem that the on-field ramifications of diving and fouling go a long way towards explaining the attitudes taken towards these respective actions. The problem I have in this particular area is that I consider the interpretations of what happens on the field to be irrevocably biased by preconceived notions. Let’s say the following scenario occurs in two different matches: a desperate lunge by a defender in the 18 yard box fails to make contact, but the striker hurls himself earthwards and wins a penalty. Is someone in the vehemently anti-diving camp likely to criticize either of the defenders for being positioned so poorly that they were reduced to making a ludicrous, clumsy challenge, or would two more diving cheats be added to the master list? My guess is that the defenders will be given the benefit of the doubt both times, because the reaction against diving is rooted in the powerful influences of traditional masculinity and morals.

We’ve all heard the cliché ‘football is a man’s game.’ Man’s game means tough, physical and aggressive. The implication is that if you can’t handle these man’s qualities, then you aren’t a man or shouldn’t be playing football. The phrase is meant to protect the excesses that spring forth from these qualities. It doesn’t require an overly long process of deduction to recognize that the archetypical, physically imposing tough guy is a revered character in many quarters. The unwritten rule surrounding this type of tough guy is that the tough guy sets the code of conduct for all interactions; if someone should break this code, even unwittingly, they have provoked the ire of the tough guy themselves, and deserve no sympathy when physical retribution is exacted. (I think we saw this dynamic come into play in the Keane/Haaland affair.)

Diving is very much the opposite of traditional, macho behavior. It would be un-macho to let on if one were actually injured, never mind to fake injury for sympathy or material gain. Many of the visceral reactions to diving cast further aspersions on the diver’s masculinity, very often through use of the word ‘bitch.’ Viewed through the lens of masculinity, not only is diving a problem by itself, but it also subverts masculine values by seeking to punish traditional masculine behavior. Cue one of the many laments from former players or ‘old time’ fans about how ‘they’ve turned football into a non-contact sport.’ The impulse towards misguided nostalgia for ‘hard men’ like Graeme Souness, Chopper Harris, Claudio Gentile, and Vinnie Jones, among others, is rooted in support for a more macho time. This nostalgia can also give rise to revenge fantasies. When former Chelsea star Peter Osgood wished that Francis Jeffers ‘would get really hurt’ after Jeffers took a simulated spill against Liverpool, it wasn’t just an attack on Jeffers alone. The long term result of Jeffers getting really hurt would be an example offered to other potential divers. ‘If you persist in this behavior that we don’t like, you will probably get really hurt too.’

So masculinity has provided a possible explanation for the hatred of diving, and the sympathy towards clumsy, but not necessarily malicious challenges. (Incidentally, I would be very interested in hearing a female perspective on this from any fellow bloggers or readers as, obviously, the expectations of traditional macho behavior do not apply.)

I believe the other element that leads to such a strong bias against diving is an issue of ingrained morality. Diving is an act of devious intelligence or cunning, which is a trait that has been historically looked down upon. The negative interpretations of cunning attribute these schemes as a form of dishonesty and weakness. You aren’t strong enough to waltz in with ‘plan A’ and get what you want, so you’re reduced to skulking around in the shadows. Think of Cassius and his fellow conspirators against Julius Caesar or, Sisyphus in Greek mythology, who made fools of the gods with his trickery on a number of occasions.

These critiques of cunning, I think, mutated later on into outright accusations of unnatural behavior, such as the Faustus/Doctor Frankenstein warnings against gaining ‘forbidden’ knowledge. In either case, the criticized actions stem from a dissatisfaction with what opportunities are available through ‘official’ channels. So the moral is that it’s apparently far better to be satisfied with being honestly incompetent than to gain access to greater advantages through unapproved means. Perhaps that’s why we hear the all too familiar refrain when a bad foul occurs, ‘he was only trying to win the ball,’ and rarely hear the sensible counter ‘he was only taking advantage of his opponents ham-fisted, lurching incompetence’ when a player dives over a convenient, outstretched leg in the penalty area.

Ultimately, I don’t really want to defend diving, just offer an alternative take on it. I posit that diving is not a scourge that needs to be stamped out like racism, match fixing, or financial doping, it’s just a part of the game like time wasting or boring defensive tactics: very annoying when it happens against your team, but something we can all live with.

I definitely need to start off with an apology to FC Basel. Granted it’s difficult to keep tabs on in depth information from the Swiss league, so my pessimistic assessment of Basel was based primarily on their exploits in last season’s Champions League. Needless to say, I was way off. Basel defeated a very middling Roma with an energetic, at times scrappy, attacking display. Stocker and Streller were particularly good for Basel. Roma’s scoring opportunities were mainly limited to set pieces. Even during periods when they controlled possession, they created very little from open play. Overall, a fully deserved 2-0 victory for an impressive Basel.

Another surprise took place in group C; Rapid Vienna comprehensively took down Hamburg, 3-0. After they knocked out Aston Villa, the days of underestimating them were over, but defeating a Hamburg team that has been looking very good in the Bundesliga, should make any remaining stragglers fully aware of their presence. In related good news for Rapid, Celtic started off their campaign with a loss in Israel.

Everton, Athletic Bilbao, Galatasaray, Shakhtar Donetsk, Genoa, Cluj, and Benfica all started off their group stage campaigns with comfortable victories. Anderlecht won 2-0 in Croatia despite their opponents, Dinamo Zagreb controlling most of the game.

Some of the day’s victories were closer affairs. Despite putting fourteen shots on target, Dinamo Bucharest had to wait until the 80th minute for the only goal of the game, courtesy of Gabriel Tamas. Sporting Lisbon emerged victorious from a back and forth contest with Heerenveen thanks to a Liedson hat trick. Toulouse downed Partizan Belgrade by the same scoreline. Claudio Pizarro grabbed a late winner for Werder Bremen against CD Nacional. Werder would probably be happier with the result if they hadn’t blown a two goal lead. Villarreal only needed a Nilmar goal to see off Levski Sofia. Twente fought back from a goal down against Fenerbahce for a 2-1 win in Turkey. Marc Janko scored in extra time (as I was typing) to take all three points for Salzburg against Lazio.

There were a few draws that will leave a lot of the participants unsatisfied. Sparta Prague took an 87th lead against PSV only to concede a 90th minute penalty that Jonathan Reis equalized from. Lille and Valencia exchanged late goals in a 1-1 draw. Hertha Berlin continue their quest to usurp the ‘Germany’s Most Disturbing Home Videos’ crown from ‘trouser gallery.’ They drew 1-1 with Ventspils. Fulham reserves held CSKA Sofia, 1-1. Ajax and Steaua Bucharest began their group stage campaigns with scoreless draws against Timisoara and Sheriff.

For the record, the extra officials made no discernable contribution to either of the televised games.

Group A
Ajax Amsterdam 0 – Timisoara 0
Dinamo Zagbreb 0 – Anderlecht 2

Group B
Lille OSC 1 – Valenica 1
Genoa 2 – Slavia Prague 0

Group C
Hapoel Tel Aviv 2 – Celtic 1
Rapid Vienna 3 – Hamburg SV 0

Group D
Hertha Berlin 1 – Ventspils 1
Heerenveen 2 – Sporting CP 3

Group E
CSKA Sofia 1 – Fulham 1
FC Basel 2 – AS Roma 0

Group F
Panathinaikos 1 – Galatasaray 3
Sturm Graz 0 – Dinamo Bucharest 1

Group G
Villarreal 1 - Levski Sofia 0
SS Lazio 1 – Red Bull Salzburg 2

Group H
Steaua Bucharest 0 – Sheriff 0
Fenerbahce 1 – FC Twente 2

Group I
Benfica 2 – BATE 0
Everton 4 – AEK Athens 0

Group J
Club Brugge 1 – Shakhtar Donetsk 4
Partizan Belgrade 2 – Toulouse 3

Group K
CFR Cluj 2 - FC Copenhagen 0
Sparta Prague 2 – PSV Eindhoven 2

Group L
Athletic Bilbao 3 – Austria Vienna 0
CD Nacional 2 – Werder Bremen 3