The Joy of Shameful Joy

By: Dan | October 14th, 2009

schadenfreude

In club land, the international breaks are something like an enforced naptime. But, in anticipation of the Uruguay – Argentina match that might send the Argentines crashing out of the 2010 World Cup, I have been thinking a lot about Schadenfreude. If Argentina did fail to qualify, I would have a good laugh, although, as I am not English or Brazilian, I’m not really sure why I would want to. I suppose seeing a traditional, major power humbled is enough of a warm and fuzzy result for neutrals to get behind. So without further ado, here are seven other occasions on which the misfortune of others provided me with some form of entertainment and happiness.

AC Milan 3 – Manchester United 0: 2006-07 Champions League Semi Final

The 2006-07 Champions League campaign was the beginning of some Premier League halcyon days in the competition. This turn of events was not handled altogether gracefully in many quarters. The loudest triumphalism came after Roma imploded at Old Trafford. The particular circumstances of the match were quickly forgotten for the sake of a ‘the Italians couldn’t handle our mighty warriors’ narrative. When Manchester United were paired with AC Milan in the semi finals, there were some ill advised statements about ‘burying Italian football’ strewn about. A narrow first leg victory for United only upped the ante. Cue a torrential downpour at the San Siro, a masterclass from Kaka and Clarence Seedorf, and a big time self satisfied smirk for all of us continental loving, wine sipping weenies.

Senegal 1 – France 0: 2002 World Cup Group Stage

There’s no denying that the France team that won the 1998 World Cup and Euro 2000 was an incredible collection of talent. At the time though, the sheer number of narrow escapes they had along the way never really sat right. By the time the 2002 World Cup rolled around, I was pretty sick of hearing about how wonderful France was and how there was no reason they shouldn’t win another tournament and establish themselves among the immortals. Their aimless stumbling around in the opening game against Senegal was a source of great mirth, made even more amusing when it became evident that they really weren’t going to get the goal back. Given the turn that football has taken since the turn of the century, it seems petty and churlish to begrudge that France side their success now, but at the time, it sure did feel good.

Germany 1 (6) – England 1 (5): 1996 European Championship Semi Final

Euro 96 was my first experience with the culture of English national team support. I was too young in 1990 to grasp a concept like that, Euro 92 only existed in print form, and they weren’t at the 1994 World Cup. I was naïve enough to be utterly scandalized by their behavior. Why would English fans act this way based on a single, thirty year old triumph, I asked. When they eliminated Spain thanks to some host friendly officiating, matters got a little more personal. When the anti-German tabloid frenzy kicked off, I could only conclude that a nation had gone mad. (Would they start up about re-colonizing us if they ever played the US in a competitive match again?) The game was, of course, nerve wracking, but once order was restored with the German shoot out victory, I thought, in my childish wisdom, that maybe this would be an important lesson in level headedness for the future. Well, like they said on the Simpsons, ‘that’s why you’re still kids, because you’re stupid.’ At least the world was spared any more Britpop about the subject.

Manchester United 1 – Arsenal 0: 2004-05 Premier League

Even fans with marginal to zero interest in the Premier League have their patience tried by the new breed of smug, aesthete Arsenal fans. Naturally, the unbeaten run of ‘the invincibles’ was a dark time. Despite the fact that they had a number of close shaves along the way and the fact that they had not and would not prove themselves in Europe, the arrogance increased with every passing addition to the streak. The controversial 03-04 match against Manchester United at Old Trafford was, perhaps, the closest call for Arsenal. Ruud Van Nistelrooy missed a late penalty that would have stopped the unbeaten run in its tracks. After the miss, Van Nistelrooy was hounded off the field by a gang of Arsenal players, led by the maniacal Martin Keown, who accused the Dutchman of diving earlier in the game, which resulted in Patrick Viera’s dismissal. It was only fitting that when Arsenal were finally silenced that it occurred at Old Trafford, from a controversial penalty decision, with the goal scored by Ruud Van Nistelrooy.

Espanyol 2 – Barcelona 2: 2006-07 La Liga

Barcelona’s revival, led by Ronaldinho on the field and Frank Rijkaard from the bench was a natural counterpoint for the bloated failure of Real Madrid’s galaticos. A problem arose when the accolades heaped on Barcelona became just as annoying as anything the galacticos were capable of dishing out. By 2006-07 changes were afoot in Madrid. Fabio Capello was appointed to lead a very pedestrian Madrid back to the title. Their determined and often ugly charge to the top of the league was more admirable than anything that we had seen from Madrid in years. On the second to last day of the season, Madrid trailed Zaragoza and Barcelona led Espanyol; it seemed like Barcelona would escape after all. Madrid and Espanyol grabbed late equalizers in their respective matches within seconds of each other, setting off delirium and sending the cosmic message, ‘that’s enough for now Barca.’

AS Monaco 3 – Real Madrid 1: 2003-04 Champions League Quarter Final

Ah, the simpler times of the David Beckham era galacticos, when Fiorentino Perez could promise with a straight face that this incarnation of Real Madrid would provide transcendental, psychotropic beauty that would unite all football fans in worship of Real Madrid. That got unforgivably irritating in, about, three seconds. Still, Perez pressed onwards, dismissing concerns about the defensive frailties of his new squad as cold, egghead killjoys. For a large part of the season, Madrid threatened to run the table, so when they stumbled in quick succession against Real Zaragoza in the Copa Del Rey Final, and Monaco in the Champions league, there was notable relief. Of course, what made the Monaco result even more fun was that the decisive goal was scored by Fernando Morientes, who was integral in taking Monaco to the final, and was deemed insufficiently marketable for Madrid.

Bayern Munich 1 – Hamburg SV 1: 2000-01 Bundesliga

I’ll probably never be forgiven by some people for enjoying this one, but I never could stand Schalke their need to be loved, and the sense that they deserve to win something for just being so historical and devoted. Anyway, on the final day of the Bundesliga season, Schalke needed to beat Unterhacing, and Bayern couldn’t win against Hamburg. That combination of results would give Schalke their first championship since 1958. Schalke’s victory concluded while the Bayern-Hamburg match was deep into added time, deep enough that Schalke’s pitch was invaded, balloons were released, and tears of joy were shed. Then Hamburg’s goalkeeper handled a back pass, resulting in an indirect freekick inside the 18 yard box. Steffan Effenberg laid the ball off for Patrik Andersson to score with the last kick of the game. Bayern take home yet another title. Did I mention that this all unfolded on Schalke’s stadium monitors while they were in the middle of celebrating? No wonder schadenfreude is a German word.